A note for the Mom: In case no one told you this lately.
Over the years of blogging, especially in the world of baking, things can feel peachy. Aprons, flour, sweetness, and sprinkles. A focus on hugs and happiness. I always say, “You never see a sad person at a bakery!” And I feel like no matter what is happening in my life, my world kind of stops when I bake and blog about it.
But here’s the thing.
As I had children and began talking more openly about motherhood and life in general, something became very clear to me.
Life is not always peachy.
But the world doesn’t really want you to show that part.
For some backstory: I had three kids in three years. It was a lot of balancing work, my passions, motherhood, and trying to be present in all of it. I’m still grappling with how to master the seemingly impossible feat of raising kind humans, pursuing dreams, remembering to eat fruits and veggies, drink water, get ready, and move my body… oh, and try to keep the house from looking like a mess. There are simply not enough hours in the day!
Over time, the reality of motherhood has become unshakably clear:
We are expected to do it all. Quietly. Without complaining.
And that expectation is not okay.
When I was working full time in an office, trying to pump, doing daycare drop-offs, waking up with a baby at night, and then showing up the next morning pretending my work self was totally normal… it felt like crawling up a mountain while avalanches kept coming down. It was exhausting. It felt like a cycle I couldn’t jump off. But again, we are expected to do it all - quietly - without complaining.
Then, several years ago, when I shifted into more flexible work so I could be home more, suddenly it looked like I wasn’t “working to my potential.” Like it wasn’t enough. Like my value wasn’t as strong. As if our worth is somehow tied to the dollars we bring in or hours we clock at an office. Does anyone feel like that, too? Maybe these thoughts are just in my head, or how I’ve felt in the eyes of society. I’m not sure, it is just this underlying feeling I have, and it’s honestly taken a long time to break. I still grapple with it some days!!!
Motherhood is a full-time job, with no breaks, and carries with it an invisible load. No one from the outside sees what we carry on the inside. This isn’t to say our spouses don’t contribute or work hard. But often their work is more visible… and therefore more noticed. Plus, a dad doing any of these things is praised. A mom doing them is just assumed.
Being the emotional support system of the family
Birthday party RSVPs and gift buying
Keeping track of school events
Being part of school mom chats
Signing kids up for sports and tracking schedules
Making sure clothes fit and switching seasonal clothes (donating/packing away ones too small)
Figuring out half days and days off school
Summer camps (enough said! it’s gotten insane)
Doctor appointments
Dentist appointments
school supplies
sick days (but not for you IYKYK)
And honestly… that’s just the beginning.
I’m eight years into motherhood and I finally feel like I can take a breath, look around, and have the confidence to say:
Hey. I have passions. I have a life, too. We are not martyrs. We are not meant to just “suck it up” and keep quiet. We have emotions. We have dreams. We deserve recognition.
And we deserve a pat on the back, gosh darn it.
So, if you are looking for someone to tell you that you’re doing a good job, let me be the first.
You are doing a great job, MAMA.
Only you truly know everything you carry each day. And that can feel lonely. I’m in that lonely spot a lot. And I think that’s what inspired this post. Like in the scene in the Titanic when the man on the boat yells: “Is anyone out thereeeee?! Can anyone hear meeee?!”… That is me right now. Because I have a feeling other moms are out there and can relate to this post, too.
If you can relate to this, leave a comment. Connect on Instagram. We are stronger together.
xo
Anna